It just occurred to me

I went to see The Lucky One tonight and was blown away my the emotions that it raised in me. It speaks of faith, destiny, and determination. I was so taken with how lost the characters were except in the faith of their pain and then in the faith of one another. I was so upset this afternoon by seeing a conversation between Shawn and a girl on fb. I thought that I would be fine but I wanted to scream remember me the fiancé the one who stood by you, who loved you and took care of you but I don't have that place anymore. I realized that the movie is right that destiny changes things and so does faith but it changes it on a far smaller scale then I realized. I thought I changed my destiny when I chose a career and I did but I also changed my destiny today by better understanding my feelings. In eight weeks I am going to change my destiny in a large way by moving but tonight it struck me that I already had by being on my own and going forward with my life. This will be the first time in my life that I will not have a soul around to hang out with but one day I will and then my destiny will have changed again because I had faith. I still feel anger and extreme sadness but I know I'll get to peace someday.

So here we are....

I was speaking with a friend who I dearly care about and she suggested that start blogging again and I think she is right. To bring everyone up to speed I did get into school and I will be moving to Charlotte in eleven weeks and I an sad and super excited. I believe my good friend Andre will be helping me and I am always in his debt for always being good to me. I have learned so far in 2012 that life is about no more bullshit, moving on, and real relationships. I think we get too twisted in relationships that don't matter and then you become burned out and hate everything about the situation you are in. This has allowed me to let go and focus on what is good and right in my life, in other words what is important . I think we all need to look at our lives and see what is really important and everything else we need to just get rid of. A good friend said he got an email about letting go: when a glass breaks and it's not worth picking up just turn and let it lie because it will forever. be broken. So basically stop trying to fix something that will always be broken and don't try to fix it only worry about things that matter. So let's look inside evaluate yourself and what's important . Until another....

What do you think???

I think cheating is the worst thing that people can do, but what if the person who was cheating or going to cheat was a good friend? Do we change our thinking...I don't think so, but what do we say to them? Even if they physically haven't cheated with someone but emotionally cheated it is just as bad. Then I pose this question what if you like someone who has a girlfriend or boyfriend but you flirt with them and they flirt with you but continue there relationship what does that say about you? I see this all the time, but recently I have seen an interesting situation that has brought on all these questions. My question to you is where do we draw the line since it seems to get so blurred all time.

My loves

Why?

Tonight my best girl friend and I were sitting and talking about men...whats new? We are both depressed about recent failed relationships and she posed the question- why do we fall in love with men we think we can change?  This I told her is the question ever woman asks herself and goes through in her life. In my relationship it wasn't so much about changing him at all more about molding our lives together. For her she wanted to change him and this NEVER NEVER NEVER works.  I don't care how pretty, smart, or intelligent you are you cannot change someone, they must change for themselves and want the change. I feel like people really want to change for two reasons: they are dying or they are in jail.  I know this seems cynical, but I truly believe that it takes a life changing, growing, and life altering experiences for people to really reevaluate their lives.  I feel so bad for her and the idea of falling for someone who is a terrible person that she felt like could be a brilliant person, but in the end she only feels like a fool and the one who needs to change. Her changing isn't what needs to happen unless trying to help, helpless men becomes a pattern. However, this is why women get to feeling low about themselves because of men who they think they can change, but they can't and then blame themselves.  I hope that my friend look deep inside and knows and learns to love what is there and let someone love her who deserves her; not to mention her finding someone worthy of her that she doesn't feel like she has to change.  I hope this for everyone men and women, even myself.

Moving on I feel an overwhelming sadness for my lose in my relationship. He called me tonight and I feel bad that he is alone and that it is his own fault- kind of like he is my child and I want to baby proof everything for him, but  I can't. I wish I could hug him and know that he will be okay and I will be more able to move on and feel okay- only time will tell how long it will take for me to feel better.

So it is 2012 and I sit here reflecting back  on 2011 and I feel like longest year it was the longest year of my life. 2011 brought so much and took away so much as well. I sit here wondering what the once other S in the double s relationship did when the ball dropped and if he kissed anyone. I know I kissed my sweet kitty and knew that 2012 would be a year of turning points. I found out two weeks ago that I got into law school in Charlotte, NC. I'm excited at the notion of starting over in a new city, but at the same time I am super scared of be alone. I don't know anyone expect for an hour away, but I feel like I have to go and I will be able to start a life that I have always wanted (not that I don't love my life as it is, but I must go live my dream.  I think we all need to buck up and just live the way we feel like we were meant to live. My BF Abaco moved across the country to go live her dream I can go live eight hours away to live mine.  I think this year means living your dream out, hopefully everyone will have a year like that, Abaco's was 2011 mine will be 2012.
I hope that I can move on from my past in 2012 and find the closure I need. I hope everyone has a happy and healthy 2012!

Got 99 excuses and no problems at all...

Everyone has problems, if we didn't we wouldn't be human. The problem I have is when people complain about things that are not a big deal.  I have been overwhelmed lately with people who think their world is falling apart and are so upset about everything. Last night at dinner I had to hear someone complain because someone the use not love won't buy them a 1500 dollar bag.  They complained how terrible this is and how it is so hard to work a part time job..blah blah blah...I'm over it! I have about forty of these stories that I hear daily and I think it is stupid and not worth my time.  Since my Grandfather died two years ago I look at the world differently. Here is my philosophy if you aren't dying, your family isn't dying, you aren't homeless, and you have love in your life suck it up.  The world isn't fair and no one cares. I know this is harsh, but its pretty much true.  DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF is what I'm saying. For example, I just lost the person I wanted to spend my life with and it sucks BIG time, but I sit next to a lady at one of my jobs who told me that it took her son six years to get over a girl he dated for two years. He actually left school because of this and at 28 is just now back in college. I know everyone deals with stuff differently, but I feel like we as people need to keep going forward and not back.  We need to take the things in life that challenge us everyday and pray and look deep inside and keep going. For 2012 I want everyone I know to look at me as an example of how to move forward and toward their dreams.  I feel like that would be the best gift to ever give anyone.
So if you read this (if anyone actually reads this) make a list of the things in your life that you aren't happy with and then look inside and out on how you can change this. If you can't change it try to work out a way where you can at least deal with it. Then make a list of the things you want to complete or try for 2012 and then a list of things you want to do before you die.  This will give you ways to move forward and live your life to the fullest. This is what I am going to do and i will share some of my list with you.

2012:
Get into law school
Buy new furniture
Learn to love what is given even if I want more
Go to church more
Only spend money that I have
Forgive more
Lose more weight
Travel in the U.S. more
Give more to charity
Be more thankful
Be more honest with people
(This is just a few......