Why?

Tonight my best girl friend and I were sitting and talking about men...whats new? We are both depressed about recent failed relationships and she posed the question- why do we fall in love with men we think we can change?  This I told her is the question ever woman asks herself and goes through in her life. In my relationship it wasn't so much about changing him at all more about molding our lives together. For her she wanted to change him and this NEVER NEVER NEVER works.  I don't care how pretty, smart, or intelligent you are you cannot change someone, they must change for themselves and want the change. I feel like people really want to change for two reasons: they are dying or they are in jail.  I know this seems cynical, but I truly believe that it takes a life changing, growing, and life altering experiences for people to really reevaluate their lives.  I feel so bad for her and the idea of falling for someone who is a terrible person that she felt like could be a brilliant person, but in the end she only feels like a fool and the one who needs to change. Her changing isn't what needs to happen unless trying to help, helpless men becomes a pattern. However, this is why women get to feeling low about themselves because of men who they think they can change, but they can't and then blame themselves.  I hope that my friend look deep inside and knows and learns to love what is there and let someone love her who deserves her; not to mention her finding someone worthy of her that she doesn't feel like she has to change.  I hope this for everyone men and women, even myself.

Moving on I feel an overwhelming sadness for my lose in my relationship. He called me tonight and I feel bad that he is alone and that it is his own fault- kind of like he is my child and I want to baby proof everything for him, but  I can't. I wish I could hug him and know that he will be okay and I will be more able to move on and feel okay- only time will tell how long it will take for me to feel better.